Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
