I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
