The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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