You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
