Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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