She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
