I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
