Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
