well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
