Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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