physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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