I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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