sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
