he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
