then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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