it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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