He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
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