So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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