Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
