u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
