the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
