On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just had sex on a roof
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
