Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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