i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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