the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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