I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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