I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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