A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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