you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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