Dude my mom stole all your condoms
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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