It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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