You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
