I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
