do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
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