he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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