worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
