I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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