Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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