margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
