i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
