just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
