omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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