Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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