just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A bitchslap is in order.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
