I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
