Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
