In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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