I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
