Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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