Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
