I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Houston, we have a blender
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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